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Restaurant review: Big City Burrito

There once was a boy from a desolate  town that had only one girl worth dating. And when she left him, he came to Fort Collins to float his broken heart in Fat Tire, because you couldn’t buy that where he came from.  Before long,  he discovered O’Dells IPA. It was even better. Probably because she had never even heard of it.
One night, we were at Road 34 disagreeing about whether you can believe in love but not in God, when I realized I’d let him get too drunk.
“I’m going to buy you a burrito,” I said.
“Do you have McBurritos here?” he asked. “The only girl worth dating–we always ate there.”
I put him in my car and drove right past McBurritos, and he was too drunk or too new to insist on it.  Instead, I took him to Big City Burrito.
There wasn’t a line, so I didn’t tell him the rules for ordering…
(The tortilla guy doesn’t want to know what kind of burrito you’re having. Just tell him what kind of tortilla…he’s only pretending to listen to the rest. The filling guy will ask you…never mind. OH, unless you’re getting potato, you have to tell the tortilla guy if you’re going to get potato.)
The boy from a desolate town ordered a potato burrito, and then turned down the Ranch dressing. “Nobody turns down the Ranch dressing with potato,” I said.
“What?” he asked.
“Nevermind.” It was his Big City Burrito and I knew better than to think I could save him from his own bad decisions by now. So I poured us both an iced tea. He found us an unelegant table in a room with sobering lights.
The burritos and the tea did their work. When I was nearly done, I went to pee.  When I returned he was talking to a girl with a damp table rag about John Cage, and she was leaning toward him.
That potato burrito with no Ranch started the cure. Within days, he stopped talking about the only girl worth dating. And he stopped talking about where they ate.  And he stopped talking about love all together.
But he kept eating at Big City. Every day.
And he never stopped talking about God.

BigCityWindow

There once was a boy from a desolate  town that had only one girl worth dating. And when she left him, he came to Fort Collins to float his broken heart in Fat Tire, because you couldn’t buy that where he came from.  Before long,  he discovered O’Dells IPA. It was even better. Probably because she had never even heard of it.

One night, we were at Road 34 disagreeing about whether you can believe in love but not in God, when I realized I’d let him get too drunk.

“I’m going to buy you a burrito,” I said.

“Do you have McBurritos here?” he asked. “The only girl worth dating–we always ate there.”

I put him in my car and drove right past McBurritos, and he was too drunk or too new to insist on it.  Instead, I took him to Big City Burrito.

There wasn’t a line, so I didn’t tell him the rules for ordering…

(The tortilla guy doesn’t want to know what kind of burrito you’re having. Just tell him what kind of tortilla…he’s only pretending to listen to the rest. The filling guy will ask you…never mind. OH, unless you’re getting potato, you have to tell the tortilla guy if you’re going to get potato.)

The boy from a desolate town ordered a potato burrito, and then turned down the Ranch dressing. “Nobody turns down the Ranch dressing with potato,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

“Nevermind.” It was his Big City Burrito and I knew better than to think I could save him from his own bad decisions by now. So I poured us both an iced tea. He found us an unelegant table in a room with sobering lights.

The tea did its work. I went to pee.  When I returned he was talking to a girl with a damp table rag about John Cage, and she was leaning toward him.

That potato burrito with no Ranch started the cure. Within days, he stopped talking about the only girl worth dating. And he stopped talking about where they ate.  And he stopped talking about love all together.

But he kept eating at Big City. Every day.

And he never stopped talking about God.

My day job is interfering with my blog this week. That’s why I’m offering something more creative than historic. Something I wrote in the middle of the night recently. More relevant posts to come when the real work is done.

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14 comments to Restaurant review: Big City Burrito

  • I love this. What a great post with a wonderful sense of style. Middle of the night writing is good for you! :)

  • catfc

    Kristin, I’m so glad you liked it. I almost apologized to you in advance before I published it.

    Everyone else, if you’re looking for actual restaurant reviews, go to Kristin’s FeastingFortCollins.com!

  • nisperos

    OK, but when you’re up early or go to bed in the morning when everyone else is going to their day job, (remember it’s not the next day until you get a sleep and a wake-up), be sure to stop at Consuelo’s and buy a burrito or 2. Extra-hot is the best, but if there’s anything with pork, then I’d even take a half and half if they don’t have any extra-hot left.

    And, of course, I love many of our local brews, but right now, I’m considering a trip to Campus West for a 6er of Limited Release Pipeline Porter made with 100% Hawaiian Kona Coffee. (I know, if your not a Porter drinker because it makes you think of Anchor Steam, and you’re going “maybe not” to something you imagine dark and thick, you’re in for a pleasant surprise. )

  • nisperos

    BTW, I’m also going to second Kristin’s comments about the great writing! It’s the start of a novel, 4 sure!

  • HA! Seriously? Wow, I’m blushing.

    Really though, I love this post because it has little slips of Fort Collins in the details (Fat Tire, Odell’s, Road 34, etc) and the intertwining between infatuation with a girl and Big City Burrito is awesome. Not that I don’t like your other posts, but this one has to be my favorite.

  • Well, I always learn something new from your posts! I’ll third the comments on the writing. Beautiful. What happens next?

  • As research, for next time I’m back to the Fort, does anybody there serve Tacos de Chorizo? After getting spoiled by a place run by some Mexican brothers in Newport News, Virginia (and having TdC almost every Friday), I was unable to find them in Massachusetts, Colorado, or Texas. Now I’m near the Erie Canal in western New York and I’ve found a place in Fairport where they’re not on the menu, but if you ask, you’ll get them. Little soft tacos with finely ground sausage meat, with salsa, guac, and sour cream (no pico de gallo, though) to add to your taste.

    Anybody? They could easily be out there. I didn’t get to a lot of places when I was there.

    I still miss Mercy Farms, I must say. (Sorry. Train of thought.)

  • catfc

    Thanks Cassy, Nisperos, and Kristin. Very much :)

  • Marf

    Great story, and great blog. Fort Collins needs a history source like this! thanks and keep it up…

  • John T

    I’m Impressed Cat — very nice piece of writing — still made me miss Sam’s though — it’s time for you to branch out !

  • Love this piece, Cat! I hadn’t been to Big City Burrito in ages, and had just gone there last weekend, and realized what I’d been missing all over again. Good stuff.

    Kip, I’m not sure if it’s still there, but there was a little mexican joint called Taqueria los Camales at Prospect & College that I believe would fit the bill for your tacos de choriza desires.

  • Paul

    Love it. My roommate worked there last year so I would frequently take the short walk over to visit and grab an effortless dinner… often in exchange for some tunes for them to play in the kitchen.

  • Kip W –

    I totally don’t want to be that person pimping my site here, but danheretic is right – Los Comales has chorizo tacos. And probably the best ones in town, but that’s still debatable. There’s a review on Feasting Fort Collins if you want to check it out.

  • Nori

    This isn’t a McReview, that’s for sure! Wonder what would’ve happened if he’d had the ranch??!

    Awesome. Thanks, Cat!